I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
