I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
