I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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