Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
