I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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