Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
