I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
