if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
