Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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