hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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