Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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