the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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