Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I could fuck to npr.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
