I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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