Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
