I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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