just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
