I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
