She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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