I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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