My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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