what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
