Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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