When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
