at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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