I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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