It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
