I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
