I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
