maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the day after is always just damage control
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
