And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
