Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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