DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
