I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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