why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
