Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
