I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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