So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
