yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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