need another drink. this is the easiest way
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
