why didn't you poke me back
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
