There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
