I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He better not be in your backpack
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
