Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
