his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What a dumb baby whore.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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