I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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