I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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