Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
