I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
