it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
