NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
