Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
