I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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